hard to be real
Hard To Be Real by Celtic Elvis
Preview Track   Song Title
1 America
2 I'm in Heaven
3 Hard To Be Real
4 Little Head
5 She Likes Girls
6 Sadie
7 Help Me, Help Me
8 Male Pattern Numbness
9 Celia
10 Acid Rain
11 C'est La Vie
For lyrics, chick here

 


 

What Celtic Elvis does is "some of the best satirical songs you're likely to hear." ( Dirty Linen )

"Harsher than Dave Letterman on PMS, more fickle than Judge Judy with a hangover, Celtic Elvis is one socially-conscious band you just dont want to piss off." That's just some of what indie-music.com reviewer Erik Deckers had to say about them. See the full review at: indie-music.com

Mish Mash , the online review 'zine, started their review with these words: "Ah, those Baby Boomers--just when you thought that Gen X had cornered the market on cynicism, Celtic Elvis comes along and shows us whippersnappers how it's supposed to be done." The full review is at: Mish Mash (scroll down the page).

Hard To Be Real is packed with demented, insightful, no-holds-barred commentary, folk-with-a-beat musical arrangements, and, of course, the band's trademark four-part power harmonies. Recorded live at Strings, the East Bay underground acoustic music showcase, Hard To Be Real is a unique recording which captures the excitement of a live Celtic Elvis performance while maintaining all the clarity and depth of a studio production. Musical instrumentation includes two acoustic guitars, bass, violin, accordion, and a pizza box (medium pepperoni).

For the CD's opening track, the rocking America, the jaundice eye of Celtic Elvis turns on the founding assumption of American society. Its true, you know, America "is only as good as your next door neighbor."

The lilting I'm in Heaven is an ode to self loving.

The title cut, Hard To Be Real, is a critical look at the mechanics of beauty. "Jessica's body is like chiffon, she smoothes it one fold at a time..."

Little Head explores the driving force that built the Trojan Horse, got Bathsheba's husband killed, and made Cyrano write all that bad poetry. It also explains Bill Clinton.

She Likes Girls, a mid-tempo ballad, finds bassest and biker Rich Wescott meeting his perfect mate. He's just one small operation away from being perfect for her.

Sadie is a romp, a simple love song dedicated to a woman who didn't care.

The acappella Help Me, Help Me is about a couple becoming clones of one another.

Male Pattern Numbness- "They say that men are slime, slippery as their desires..."

Celia is a dance tune which features Rich on accordion and Barb subbing on bass.

Acid Rain tells of three true stories involving people trading their health for status: a genuine folk song.

C'est La Vie is a lovely ballad from the lovely Barb.

 

 

 

 

 

Lyrics

 

 

America

ã JIM OCEAN

Mrs. Adrianowitz has dogs the size of cars
They shit all over everything and bark at any hour
She treats them just like royalty. Puts steak inside their mouths
And criticism only goes as far as you can shout

CHORUS

AMERICA IS ONLY AS GOOD AS YOUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR

REPEAT

Jesse is a dealer, he lives just down the street
He sells to all the high school kids but tries to stay discreet
I�ve tried to tell the cops sometimes but they don�t have the will
And when my house gets burglarized it makes me want to kill

CHORUS

BRIDGE

The sign in the window says they're moving away
Their children are crying 'cause they're leaving today
She gets the Lexus, he gets the truck
Their house sits so empty here on the block
And all of us were watching
Our eyes were hidden safely by the door
Yes all of us were watching. We've seen this thing a hundred times before

The Johnson's own a duplex. They live just down the road
They've been here since the forties. They've watched us come and go
They've seen us with our children. They've watched us through divorce
I wonder what they think sometimes when they look outside the door

Shut up your God damn dog.
Shut up your God damn dog.

CHORUS

 

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I'm In Heaven

ã RANDY ANGER, SUNLIGHT MUSIC

I know it's hard for you to fathom. Just let me tell you what I feel.
'Cause I've been waiting along time for a love that's real.
I am aware that no one's perfect and that I set my sights to high
But now I know that the right one was just standing by
.

And I can see that you are shaken but it was all meant to be.
And for so long I was forsaken but now I know that I love only me.

 

I have had trouble with some lovers. That's not to say they trouble me.
When we break up I am always left alone with me.
And as for friends, I haven't any. Is that so hard to understand.
That no one else could be as entertaining as I am.

And I can share all of my feelings with someone who understands.
When I grow old and less appealing I'll be my own helping hand loving me.

 

I'M IN HEAVEN. I'M IN HEAVEN. And I know that the right one is me.

I'M IN HEAVEN. I'M IN HEAVEN. In this great big world who else could it be.

I am an expert at rejection and I just don't think it's fair
That all these people should love me and I just don't care.
I am aware that I'm not charming but I've a certain savoir-faire
And I can walk through this life alone without a care.

Well I can see you think I'm crazy. That goes to show you I'm right.
I know that I'll never be lonely. I know that I can delight humble me.

I'M IN HEAVEN. I'M IN HEAVEN. And I know that the right one is me.

I'M IN HEAVEN. I'M IN HEAVEN. In this great big world who else could it be.

I'M IN HEAVEN. I'M IN HEAVEN oh yes I am.

I'M IN HEAVEN. I'M IN HEAVEN baby

I'M IN HEAVEN. I'M IN HEAVEN

 

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Hard To Be Real

ã JIM OCEAN

Jessica's body is like chiffon. She smoothes it one fold at a time.
But the surgical steel and the silicon have had an effect on her mind.
She has the sexiest body that money can buy. Still it is never enough.
Her molded derriere and her blue-tinted eyes have never produced any love
But when she's posing she's looking so hot.
But it's HARD TO BE REAL when you're not.

Jonathan's body is like a well. He pumps up the juices so hard.
His ego expands as his muscles swell as he grins in his black leotard
.
He's got the sexiest body that iron can forge
Though his rippling muscles are scarred.
No steroid injections or food he can gorge will fill up the space in his heart.
But when he's posing he's looking so hot.
But it's HARD TO BE REAL when you're not.

How much is the face in the window. I must have the face in the window.
The nose is a thriller. The cheekbones are killer.
I must have the face in the window.
How much is the body in the paper. I must have the body in the paper.
Lean as an eel. A stomach of steel.
I must have the body in the paper.

Soon I'll be posing, showing the world what I've got.
But it's HARD TO BE REAL when your
not.

My finished body is like a car. I'll rev it up loud for your eyes.
I'm sleek as a shiny new jaguar. A clever, exotic disguise
I've got the sexiest body that I can afford. My beauty will cut like a knife.
Admirers all beat a path to my door
But they've brought me no joy in this life.
Still I'm posing and looking so hot
But it's HARD TO BE REAL when your not.

I'm under the surface. This beautiful surface.

 

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Little Head

ã JIM OCEAN

The battle for the higher mind is lost below the waist.
If chemistry is what you find you'll want more than a taste.
If Caesar's brain had been in charge he might have lived 'til May
But Cleopatra made him large. Now all that we can say'

CHORUS

The LITTLE HEAD is talking to the big head.
The LITTLE HEAD is talking too loud.
The LITTLE HEAD is talking to the big head.
Saying, "hey buddy, won't you let me out!"

The struggle for the right of way is old as skin and bone
And which desire gets its way depends on what is growin'
If Samson's thought had been more pure he mighta' saved his hair.
But Delilah fought with something sure it really wasn't fair.

CHORUS

REFRAIN

Blame it on procreation
Blame it on recreation
A manifestation of manipulation will make you grow hair on your palms.

The argument for love is fine. It blooms from every jaw.
But those who want it unrefined are domed to eat it raw.

William Clinton, Monica . America says 'Shame on you.'
What we expect, what we condone is not what we will do.

CHORUS

 

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She Likes Girls

ã RICH WESCOTT

She's a vision in Levi's'; a goddess in jeans.
My beer drinkin', bike ridin' girl of my dreams.
Aphrodite in leather. Venus with tattoos
That I pursue. She's someone who I'd like to seduce.
She doesn't mean to tease. She doesn't try to please.
She says we come from to different worlds.
I said who cares about the life you've led.
Then she turned around, laughed and said'

CHORUS

SHE LIKES GIRLS'(she likes girls) They keep her motor humming.
SHE LIKES GIRLS'She don't stop, they keep coming.
SHE LIKES GIRLS.

She says if you want me, well, there's something you've gotta do.
Just make a change, get re-arranged. You can be beautiful too.
I know a doctor in Stockholm. An artist with a very sharp knife.
Delete a bit and then you'll fit into my life.
If it was up to me there'd be no choice you see.
But things aren't that simple in life.
I can't live out my fantasies on account of my anatomy'besides

CHORUS


REFRAIN

CHORUS-REPEAT

 

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Sadie

ã RANDY ANGER, SUNLIGHT MUSIC

Well I've heard some stories about the glories of love dear SADIE.
And I've had my fill of those old romances that last until you're lazy.
Well I know I'm in trouble but you are the one that I want. It's crazy.
Well they all say run away. I would like to stay.
Just so we could lay, you together with me.

Well I'm tired of messin' with games that are depressin' and fruitless lady.
A thousand dinners with dancin' 'till you quiver and promises of maybe.
And I've had my sip of those lasting relationships. No more, lady.
Well I hear you're out of bounds; that you've been around.
I'm glad that I found someone willing to lust.
Yes, I'm tired of breaking those promises I'm making.
I'm ready for partaking in someone as crazy as me.

I thought "that's the way it is." Be a romanticist. No more, SADIE.
'Cause I'm tired of reeling from tripin' on a feeling that drives a body crazy.
Well I saw your smile and I knew my trials had ended lady.
'Cause you're not pretending your honor you're defending.
It's so refreshing. I saw it right from the start.
Well I know we'll like it a lot. Let's give it a shot
And we will see what will happen to us.
Yes, I've had my fill of those old time ladies.
I want something new. How about you? I like you SADIE
.

 

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Male Pattern Numbness

ã JIM OCEAN

How can you look at me with so much emotion
While I live like an amputee, so cut off from myself.
You want my heart: you want everything.
You want all by devotion.
But the part that I cannot bring is the part lying in this shell of
Male, it's just MALE PATTERN NUMBNESS.
My heart is as hard as my head.

Why do you wait for me thinking I might be different.
But I'm just like those other guys in a world of my own.
I'm in love with my loneliness. I romance my defenses.
Living life like a grizzly bear where I hibernate in a cave of
Male, it's just MALE PATTERN NUMBNESS.
My heart is as hard as my'

Head! Wake up!

Heart! Stay open!

Head! Wake up!

Heart! Stay open!

REFRAIN

They say that men are slime. Slippery as their desires.
They emotionally terrorize every woman they see.
But me'That's not exactly how I'd like to be perceived.

How can you look at me with so much emotion
While I live like an amputee so cut off from myself.
I'm in love with my loneliness. I romance my defenses.
Living life like a grizzly bear where I hibernate in a cave of
Male, it's just MALE PATTERN NUMBNESS.
My heart is as hard as my head.
My heart is as hard as my head.
My heart is as hard as my head.

 

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Help Me! Help Me!

ã JIM OCEAN

In the formative days of his college years
He was a horny musician with a tune in his ear
He was the life of the party drinking everybody else's beer
Frayed at the edges he was disorganized
There was a haze in his brain
There was a glaze on his eyes
But he snapped to attention when his head felt that shower of rice.

She was a serious woman with a head full of plans
She had her mind on the future and a list in her hand
And as she aimed a direction you could hear the man start to cry.

CHORUS

HELP ME! HELP ME! I think I'm turning into my wife

REPEAT
REPEAT

They melted together like to crayons in heat
But then her color was stronger so he could not compete
And as she painted the future he just settled into defeat.
On his social behavior she is keeping a lid
Because they only see people with a boat and a kid.
Now he sits at the table with the eyes of a lifeless squid.

She was a serious woman with a head full of plans
She had her mind on the future and a list in her hand
And as she balanced the checkbook you could her the man start to cry'

CHORUS

It's for your own good.
If I hadn't of found you you'd be dead in the water.

It's for your own good.
You'd be driving jalopies with some junk up your nose.

It's for your own good.
You'd be stuck with some bimbo

but you'd like that

Right!
Right!

It's for your own good.

They were joined at the wallet. They were joined at the heart.
They were cemented together, -couldn't tell them apart.
They were a two-headed monster. You could tell from the very start.
With no clear direction she could nudge him along.
But then he lost his affection. His desire was gone.
So he used his aggression to fertilize the lawn.

She was a serious woman with a head full of plans.
She had her mind on the future and a list in her hand.
And as she paid his insurance you could hear the man start to cry.

HELP ME! HELP ME! I think I'm turning into my wife!

 

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Celia

ã RICH WESCOTT

Oh, won't you come out and come to my party
got my daddy's car we can drive in style
A six-pack to relax in my daddy's Cadillac
I got everything to make you smile

CHORUS

CELIA! Won't you come out? Everything will be alright
We can go out dancing under the moonlight
CELIA won't you please come out tonight

If I come out and go to your party
There is just one thing if I take a chance
No groping or mauling, Tokin or balling
I won't do anything. I just want to dance

CHORUS

REFRAIN

I want to know. Won't you come out will take it nice and slow
Even though your body says yes, you say no

 

So won't you come out and come to my party
There is just one thing if you take a chance
I'll carry you, I'll ferry you, I will even marry you
I'll do what you say. Now can we dance

CHORUS-REPEAT

 

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Singing in the Acid Rain

ã JIM OCEAN

It was a beautiful neighborhood with a view of the sea
But the microwave towered over like a steel canopy
But for the condo he made the sacrifice
But just to be sure he put some sperm on ice

CHORUS

SINGING IN THE ACID RAIN (3X)
Brown water rafting to nowhere

She was a brilliant executive with a nose for the top
And her posh LA office gave her such a view of the smog
She was oblivious to the yellow sky
She smiled at her future and put drops in her eyes

CHORUS

In the town that I live in you can hear a fire roar
Because the Shell oil refinery is just a mile from my door
It's our own unofficial rent control
Affordable housing by the steel volcano

CHORUS-REPEAT

 

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Ces't La Vie

ã BARBARA GRISAU

Sweet love songs come into my heart when ere I think of you.
But I dare not sing these songs to you lest I scare you away.
No, you are a man who sees himself in the world all alone.
And the thought of a woman stealing your heart
makes you run right back home.

Yes, you run like a child lost in the night, unable to see the light.
When will you see you're nothing to me if you aren't on your own.

 

Well, I guess it's just about time that I came down to earth
And live life as I should.
Make your money, buy your time, but don't cross over that line.
You just might like what you find.

People are scared that they just aren't prepared as if they will ever be.
You've got to take the chance. Like they say in France.

CES'T LA VIE

CES'T LA VIE

CES'T LA VIE

 

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